The beautiful Christmas lights that we used to go look at
Christmas at ma Mimi's
As a little boy, Christmas was definitely at the top of the calendar for me, just as I’m sure the same was true for you. It was the December holidays to start with, and this meant that I didn’t need to stare into Mrs. Peterson’s face anymore. She was my Math teacher and I honestly hated her. By the looks of my test scores, one could assume that the feeling was mutual. Other than the fact that it was the summer holidays, we also had the beautiful Christmas lights in Church Street to look forward too. From lamp post to lamp post there were strings and strings of lights accompanied by balls, tinsels and angels. We regularly drove through town to go look at the lights. One year, between all the balls, tinsels and angels we saw Uncle Pete hanging too. My grandma said he must have been at the hotel again and apparently when he was there his head got all funny and she said he started doing silly things that grown-ups shouldn’t be doing.
December 24th 2021
It was 1998 and I was eight years old. Every Christmas we would celebrate at someone in the family’s house, and this year was Oma Mimi’s turn. It worked terribly on her to accommodate everyone for the night. I noticed she was tense because she drank more than usual and her patience was at its last straw. We went to fetch Oma Babs, she and Oma Betty helped my grandmother work out a menu. Oma Mimi saw a delightful recipe for a Christmas cake in a Cook and Enjoy recipe book and she offered to provide the desert. The only people that eat Christmas cake are people who don’t have money for a meringue or a Swiss roll but I didn’t tell my grandma this because she was already upset, after Aunty Louise asked her whether Melicia could sing Silent Night to us on Christmas Eve.
Oma Mimi told me to write a letter to Santa and to tell him what I would like for Christmas that year. I took a pen and a paper that she handed me and wrote to him that I would like a Little Mermaid doll. I needed something other than Tupperware to play with in the bath. She put my letter in our mailbox “Shouldn’t we go to the post office?” I asked, “Don’t pretend to be wise young man” she answered back and walked to the kitchen to go help Oma Babs and Oma Betty behind the pots. Everyone attending the Christmas party was asked to prepare a dish. Aunty Una said that she didn’t have money so my grandma told her not to worry and that she could bring foil to cover the food with. Oma Mimi said we should hide our handbags because Aunty Una was going to bring Uncle Jacques with her and he steals. They suspect that it was him who stole Oma Babs’ cough syrup last year.
Oma Babs hard at work
It’s finally Christmas Eve and we were getting ready for the guests to arrive. Oma Mimi ordered me to put up the Christmas tree and to then decorate how ever I see fit in the living room. She bought the Christmas tree from Game last year but there was just enough money for one pack of balls, a single string lights, and two tinsels. I was in the living room the entire morning and forbade anyone who wanted to enter, it had to be a surprise. My mom arrived a little bit earlier than the rest of the guests so that she could help Oma Mimi with the dining room table. She looked very pretty. She was wearing beige palazzo pants with a blouse I’ve never seen in my life before. I had a glass of awful tasting concentrate cool drink in my hands and ran towards her to give her a hug. “Watch out my boy, don’t mess on me” she said when she carefully hugged me back, “I have to return the blouse tomorrow”. I remembered then that she sometimes took something she liked on sight and then just hid the label deep inside the sleeve so that she could return it in order to get her money back. This was how she met my stepdad too. I took her hand and excitedly said; “Come look!”. I told her to close her eyes and to keep them shut until I told her to open them. I led her to the living room, “one, two, three, look!” I exclaimed.
Upon opening her eyes all she saw was sunshine, shit, and waterfalls. The scene in front of her resembled a scene from Klerksdorp Children’s Home, but I had to get by with what was at my disposal so I don’t really know what they were expecting. The tree was very slightly decorated and resembled something that wanted to burn down or fall over, you could see straight through the branches. “Why aren’t the lights switched on?” my mom asked and then I said that Oma Mimi said that we have to save electricity, her oven has been on the whole day, and that’s when it occurred to me to switch the boiler on so that we can bath that night. I placed little painted pieces of pasta here and there on the small coffee table in the center of the living room and emptied a bag of flour on the floor which portrayed snow. “Mom, do you want another sherry?’ my mom yelled in a somewhat nervous tone to my grandma who was busy in the kitchen.
By five o’clock that afternoon the first guests started to arrive. Aunty Una and Uncle Jacques were first. My grandma asked me to go open up for them. When I opened the door, I saw that Aunty Una remembered her foil and that she also had a lunchbox with her. “Hi Aunty, may I take your handbag? My grandma says Uncle Jacques steals.” She looked a little bit uncomfortable when I said that and Uncle Jacques was red in the face but it was a unusually hot day and that must have been the reason for the redness. Aunty Louise, Uncle Dirk, Melicia and Dolfie were next. Aunty Louise was very rich and only spoke proper English. “How do you do your majesty?” I said when I opened the door for them. I saw on TV that that was the way you were supposed to be greeting people with money. Aunty Tookie and her brother Samuel was next. Aunty Tookie looked like something you could hang at the back of the Christmas tree and it tickled my eyes a little bit. Uncle Samuel was in a suit. “May I take your handbag” I asked. Almary from Ettiene and Ettiene arrived just then. Their families were at the seaside for the holiday but Almary from Ettiene and Ettiene didn’t have money to join them so they would spend Christmas with us. Almary from Ettiene got something from her handbag and she and my mom both took a sip from whatever it was and then proceeded to giggle as they walked through the doors. The last guests to arrive were Uncle Andre and his fifth wife. I didn’t know her name because one didn’t want to get too attached to his wives. Everyone walked through the flour and placed their gifts below aunty Tookie, “No guys, there’s the tree!” I said.
Melicia and I sat on the living room floor and played with her Barbies. I didn’t really understand much of what Melicia was saying because she too spoke proper English so I just kept on saying “yes mam” everytime she spoke. I heard on TV that this was how people with manners responded to people with money and who spoke proper English. From the corner of my eye, I saw how Stoffel dropped a coil behind the couch where Almary from Ettiene was sitting but I pretended that I saw nothing because I didn’t like her. We all then left for the living room to go feast. Christmas was the one day in Oma Mimi’s house where you ate something other than a baked egg, tomatoes and eight slices of cucumber. There were green beans, pumpkin, rice, gravy, potatoes, tongue, chicken, foil and real coca-cola
We all had a great feast, and I was especially happy about the real coke
Looks delicious, doesn't it?
Christmas cake. I didn’t chew and just swallowed big pieces down in order to avoid tasting anything, and also to get it over with quickly. Everybody took exceedingly long to finish their dessert except for Oma Babs, she asked for more. Three slices later that woman was as drunk as a skunk because Oma Mimi accidentally mixed three cups of brandy into the batter. Aunty Louise only managed to get halfway with her slice of cake and then said that she couldn’t have any more as she’s on a diet. I knew she was speaking the truth because rich people don’t eat a lot.
Melicia, Dolfie and I couldn’t wait to open the presents and we didn’t stop nagging the grown-ups. “You better listen to me carefully now” said Omi Mimi a little bit rude for Christmas Eve, “let the grown-ups be for a bit, we didn’t raise you like this. We are going to enjoy each other’s company for a bit more and after that, Melicia is going to sing for us and then we can open presents. Now go get Boney M’s tape from my cupboard, you will see that it’s right next to my concertina file. I saw how Almary from Ettiene revelled in the fact that my grandma used this tone on us and then she and my mom took another sip of Red Door. It was finally time for dessert and Oma Mimi dished up big slices of Christmas cake for everyone. I was wary of herwhen she was tense, like that night, so I had no other choice than to eat my
After everyone was finished eating Oma Mimi asked if anyone wanted seconds and I found it a bit strange when everyone yelled “NO!” in one voice, it almost sounded rehearsed. Oma Betty helped Oma Babs up from the chair and halfway on her way out of the living room she fell, when the flour finally settled, Aunty Tooky looked like a snowman. Oma Mimi then told me to go help her in the kitchen. She was going to poor sherry for everyone because Melicia was about to sing. I had to carry the tray from the kitchen to the living room. This was good manners and I saw this on TV too, the only difference was that the man on TV got paid for his services. In the kitchen Oma Mimi took two shots of sherry before she proceeded to pour everyone else a glass. She said she needed strength to get through this. Very proud, I walked to the living room and offered everyone a glass. Aunty Louise said something in the Queen’s English and I said “yes mam” and with my left leg, two feet in front of the right one, I bowed down low whilst keeping the tray up. I saw on TV that this was the way you served any beverage to someone who was rich.
for a change. When we were finally finished eating, we all went back to the living room and Oma Mimi only then decided to turn on the tree’s lights. There was a deafening sound that carried through the room, a flame shot past the Bethlehem star, “you fuck” Oma Mimi yelled, Aunty Tookie briefly caught fire, and then the lights went on. There was a black mark against the wall and on the tips of Oma Mimi’s acrylic nails, and a third of the lights were blown out.
Oma Mimi's favorite
Melicia got up, pulled on her dress, did a strange thing with her mouth (it almost looked like she was chocking), cleaned her throat and then she began singing Silent Night. She sang with a passion and dedication that destroyed every good memory you ever had about the song. She sung those donkeys, Josef, and the three wise men out of that stable. Never have I heard anything like it, I yelled “yes mam” and lifted my hands to the heavens because this is what the grown-ups in our church did. “Sleep in heavenly peace” cracked her voice as she sung the last line. It was everything but a silent night. Before anyone had the chance to say something or applaud, Melicia jerked her head to the left making her hair flip from the one side of her head to the other, and kicked of with Kings of Leon’s, Your Sex is On Fire. She dug extremely deep with this one, and at times I was scared when she pumped her arm to the beat down the side of her body, making full eye contact with me. In the last chorus of the song, she completely let go and was no longer in 45 Loerie Street but in Sun City, somewhere on a stage. “Yes mam” I yelled louder as her voice reached its peak and broke through the sound barrier. Dolfie grabbed two spoons and hit them to the beat against his thigh as his sister gave the performance of her life. “Sex!” she yelled passionately at the end, sweat dripping down her face. A dead silence fell over the living room. Uncle Samuel just finished putting back his hearing aid when the front door bell rang. It was the police; they came to arrest Melicia. Oma Mimi called her, they tied her up and threw her into the back of the police van, and off they went. We later heard that she brought three prisoners to their knees with her rendition of “Slave for you” from Britney Spears.
Oma Mimi then said that she quickly had to leave to go to the store and the other grown-ups then told Dolfie and me to go look for Santa. Dolfie had a head light on and I carried Stoffel in my arms as we walked around the house looking, and calling out to Santa. After 20 minutes we still couldn’t find him and then decided to go back inside. Just as we took our seats in the living room there was a knock on the window. “Fuck!” Almary from Ettiene jumped when she pulled the curtain back. On the outside Dolfie and I saw Santa walk by on his way to the front door. Very excited, we opened the front door, Santa let go of a sickening cough and then he gave us both a big hug. It seemed like he also liked sherry because he smelled exactly like Omi Mimi and I saw that he also didn’t have a tooth. Everyone was bright eyed and bushy tailed to have
Dolfie, and Uncle André's fifth wife
“To Tookie, from Samuel” Santa read and I ran to give Aunty Tookie her packet. Everyone pressured her to open it and Aunty Tookie smiled broadly when she pulled out a new pack of panties and laundry pegs from her packet. “How did you know?” she said smiling shyly to Uncle Samuel and then proceeded to give him a thank you kiss. “To Andre, from your fifth wife” Santa read and Dolfie ran to hand Uncle Andre his packet. “Open it, open it!” everyone yelled eagerly. “It’s a divorce!” Uncle Andre exclaimed overjoyed with happiness. Everyone smiled and applauded when he gave his fifth wife a thank you kiss. “To Dolfie, from Aunty Louise” Santa read. Dolfie opened his present and it was the most knockout stovepipe jeans I’ve ever laid eyes on. At last, Santa read my name, “To Werner, from Omi Mimi”. It was a big box and was quite weighty. My eyes were glistening and I started shaking a little bit. “It’s my Little Mermaid doll” I whispered softly to myself. I tore through the wrapping paper and a pair of school socks fell out and then I saw the toolbox. “What’s this?” I asked confused. “That’s for boys to help their moms and grandma’s in, and around the house” Santa responded. “Even if they’re
had Santa with us and I was very distressed about Oma Mimi who still hasn’t returned from the store. Dolfie and I were asked to hand Santa the presents, which were laying under Aunty Tookie, he would then read the names and then we had to take them to the respective person.
only eight years old?” I said. All the guests received their presents and were chatting and laughing leisurely. I saw Uncle Samuel having his hands full with Aunty Tookie who wanted to fit her panties just there and then. Santa then asked for another sherry as he made his way to the front door and gave another ugly cough when we opened up for him. He wasn’t gone long before Oma Mimi returned, she walked a little obliquely and I saw that she grew a beard in the meantime.
Aunty Louise and Uncle Dirk were chatting with my mom and Almary from Ettiene. I was fitting Dolfie’s stovepipes and playing with my my wrench and Oma Betty showed Uncle Samuel where a tick bit Stoffel. Oma Mimi was pouring sherry for everyone and then the front door bell rang. “God, who can be so untimely at a time like this?” she said a bit irritated as she spilled sherry on her way to the door. It was Uncle Pete, her brother. He was wearing his white suit and we knew when he was in white, he wanted to dance. She didn’t want to let him in but she had to, for the sake of Oma Betty. Uncle Pete came in and greeted everyone. “May I take your handbag?” I asked. He was a mechanic so I gave him my toolbox “Merry Christmas Uncle Pete” I said. Oma Mimi was busy with another round of sherry but this time Aunty Tookie was also lending a hand, if you know what I mean. She
was a bit irrated with her brother but in the spirit of Christmas decided to let it be and to rather enjoy this time with her brother, family and friends. You could see that Oma Mimi and Uncle Pete were brothers, especially now that they both had beards. No one knew what time it was because Uncle Jacques stole the clock. It was either eight o’clock or twelve o’clock and all of a sudden, we saw Aunty Una grab Uncle Pete and they made a nasty two-step around the living room to the beat of Teenage Queenie from Pussycat. “Yes mam!” I yelled when her extensions hit me through the face.
My Little Mermaid doll
It was really one of the best Christmases yet. It was a pitty that Oma Babs had so much Christmas cake because she most definitely missed out. The grown-ups laughed, chatted, and danced the night away. Aunty Louise, Uncle Dirk and Dolfie eventually left, they still had to drop Melicia’s present of at jail. “Until we meet again your honor” I saluted when Aunty Louise walked out of the door. Almary from Ettiene and Ettiene asked if they could sleep over. Almary was so drunk she couldn’t see out of her eyes and both their families were at the coast so they had no one to come pick them up. After the fan pulled out four of Aunty Una’s extensions, she and Uncle Jacques also decided to go home. Oma Mimi switched of the Christmas tree’s lights and made one last toast before she officially declared Christmas over. She did the toast in French because at this point no one really understood what she was saying. The next day my mom and I went to Foschinis, she got her money back for her blouse and then we went to Checkers. She bought me a Little Mermaid doll.
